Ho-Ho-Ho. Friday, Friday!

March 19, 2011 is the day I smiled since then.

HAHAHAHA. Okaaay, that is soooo EMOTIONAL. Well, might be the effect of reading stuff at www.givesmehope.com. So, march 19 is the date when my sister and I bought my laptop. We decided to buy a Compaq Notebook Presario CQ42 Laptop. It's quite a so-so but it's not that bad either. In between, or something like that.

My new laptop comes with a printer, optical mouse and 4GB flash drive which I can use for the better. Well, you see, I wouldn't have to go to the computer shop to rent a computer and have them print my what nots. And I get to have a new and virus-free flash drive. I KNOW, THAT AWESOME. WORD. :))

Aside from the laptop, my sister bought me a Jellybean outfit. YEAH! Oh my God. I know, right? I was just kiddin' when I asked her to be me an outfit for my upcoming birthday. And well, SHE DID. I get to buy a floral print yellow and pink skirt with a white sando and a yellow flat shoes. It was soo cute and awesome. That was the first time that she bought something that grande to me. I mean, one that I'd surely keep. Well, i mean...okay, fvck it. All her gifts to me are perfect. Happy? HAHAHAHA. No but kidding aside, i'd surely rock in that yellow doll shoes. Oh how I love saturdayy then comes sundayyy. HAHAHA.

Rebecca Black in my head, messing it all up and infusing me with her auto-fvcking-tuned voice. Why would she agree to be auto-tuned? I mean, in her normal singing voice, she is good. Above good, even. She was requested to sang the US' National Anthem and she's good like what I just said, bitches. Maybe if she'd sing another song WITHOUT the auto-tune (please!), she'd get a thousand praises rather than a thousand insults. Ha! Im smart like that. BAM. :))

And so, our almost 3 weeks graduation rehearsals are now down to 2 days. YEAH. We're awesome. The rehearsal is really and when i say really, it's GRAVELY BORING. The teacher would say, "The Phil. National Anthem" and then we would rise up and the fvcking teacher would say, "Again". Oh fvck, you did not just say that for like the 10th time! And seriously people, an almost 10+ songs to practice? SERIOUSLY? And our sched is 7am to 5am? 10 hours in school just practicing the 10+ songs and the up and down protocol? Ya`ll people in the administrator will be the death of us all graduates for merely putting us in that kind of state. Our voices are getting huskier by the minute and our feet our getting sore. So what the hell ya`ll expect us to be at the day of the graduation? :l

So, because of those reasons, I didn't went to school today. YAY for me. and for tomorrow, I wouldn't go again simply because I know we'll do the same thing again and again. I'm really not up for those kind of things. I ALREADY KNOW THE PROTOCOL AND THE SONGS AND ALL THOSE SHITS. Okay?

**I am not sorry I just said that. But on the other hand, I would be sorry if a teacher in my school would read this shitz and saw the curse I used as an adjective for a teacher. Well, HI THERE COOCHIES. It's my blog, get off or I'll sue you for interrupting my privacy, bitches. HAHAHA. I'm just kiddin' my dear teachers. (Just in case, ya` know. :D)

Mac vs Windows

Major OMG.

My dad just called me and he told me that he'd let me pick for a laptop. Major OH MY GIE `cause that is my dream gift ever since I laid my eyes on my sister's laptop! I mean, it'd truly help me in college and stuff like leisure and those shizznitz. Now the major problem here, ladies and gentlemen, is WHAT SOFTWARE I`D LIKE TO BUY.

Mac or Windows.

On the word wide web, they said that they much prefer buying MAC because it doesn't have any viruses and easy to use and what not. I, however, is very literate in windows and `em afraid that if I buy a MAC, i'd just regret it.

So, MAC OR WINDOWS? I the hell don't know! :/

Fallin' In Love. :*

10 minutes.

I have to go to school within that minutes.

10 years.

I have to forget you within that years.

In front of the crowd, I might be the strong and well-spirited woman. But in front of the person who holds my heart, I am vulnerable. More than vulnerable. Fragile. A twig that can be easily stomp upon. With you, I felt like i am a somebody but when you left me, I felt like i am a nobody. A vast of darkness begins to enfold. A gust of wind around me. I began to exclude myself from what we call, Love.

For months, I hide from love. I learned to reject. But now, My mind is in its confusion state. Why am I feeling this again? The confusion of love. I want to question love's authority. It's magic that seems to be sucking the soul out of me. The dark soul within me. I didn't want it to get something from me. Something that i nurtured, fostered, took care of. I put all my hard work on it. Why does it have to get my cold heart? Then, I learned to let go. I learned to...love.

I learned to let go but i never tried to forget. I'm such a good liar. Aren't I? Don't blame me for not trying. How can I forget when all around me, all i can see is you. Our song now turns to My song. You detach yourself from that little thing that keeps me alive. Your song. Our song. My song.

Gotta change my answering machine.

Now that i'm alone 'cause it says that

"we can't come to the phone"

**NOTE: Okay. Do I still have to note this? :l It's cheesy, yet again. :))))

Sorry just won't wrap it all up.

I'm Sorry

His lie.

I Forgive You.

My lie.

You have the capability to say "sorry". To anyone. To everyone. To me. But i never felt the sincerity in your voice. The guilt in your eyes. I never saw that. I never felt it. I tried to forget the things that makes me doubt you. Your honesty. Your so-called-love. Heart-Breaking as it seems, I tried to understand everything you did. I tried to believe the lies that you've been blabbing to me. The lies which drives my mind to insanity.

But last week was enough. Phone's not ringing. My inbox that never felt your messages again. My ears that never heard your voice again. I thought that you just need space. I never thought you'll need another woman. You tried hiding it. Tried keeping it from me but your friends cares for me. Your friends that keeps on telling you that, "she is waiting". You never heard their pleas. You never heard my cry. Never saw the crystals that falls from my dark brown eyes.

I never wanted you to see me mourn. Mourning for my lost love. You never cared so why bother showing yourself at the foot of my door pleading for an apology? Was it to calm down your conscience? Do you even have a conscience? You deceived me. I entrusted you with my heart. But you failed me. You failed to hold my feeble heart.

You failed. You failed.

**NOTE: He said sorry. And I just don't have the mercy to forgive him. :l :)) EW, yet again. :))

Doubt.

I Love You

That's what I feel

I Love You

That's what he thinks he feel

I'm not really sure if I just can't trust you or you're just hard to believe. There's a lot of girls around you and I'm not sure if one of them is your girlfriend. You don't want me to know anything. You deprive me from knowing the truth. I don't and won't ask since it would make you doubt my trust to you. But it is falling apart. It is falling apart.

I wanna trust you 101% but how can I do that if I know that any minute you can find another woman. Another woman to love. I am having doubts on you. I am and I'm hating myself for that. I'm just not sure if this will go smoothly as i want it to be. I just hope it will. I hope you will never hurt me. I hope that you will love me as much as I learned to love you. Please, do not break my heart. I don't want it to happen again. Please. I need your embrace. Your loving kisses. I need YOU.

**NOTE: I also made this in gaiaonline. Well, the title says it all. It's also for him. CHEESY MUCH. Ew. YUCK. ;))

An Answer.

What can I do to make it up to you?

His plead

Just be friends with me

My plead

I thought I wouldn't see you again. Your lovely writings. Your unbelievable courage to bring me back again. Your tempting pleads. Your enchanting lies. I missed every little thing about you that once made me feel alive. It was definitely heaven. I was in cloud 9. I was ecstatic. I was in every place that make me happy. I was with you.

But..I had to refute it all. I had to reject the blossoming love. Because nothing will happen if I accept your apologies again. Nothing will ever be the same if I rejoice with your pleads. You will just banish me again. Punish me for loving you. You will just bring the wrath that makes my being shake from terrible pain. The shooting shards of glasses that pierce through my bone. Your infidelity. You, alone, can make me feel horrible. Your doings. Everything. I can't take your own torture. If i will, I will be in your personal hell. I can't but I want to. I won't but I want to.

What could be the chances of you hurting me again? It's like running across a speeding train. It's suicide. It's torture. It's hell. It's everything i don't want to feel. Yet, it's everything i want to do. If believing you will give me a short sudden shot of bliss then, I will. Even if i have to suffer at the end. I will.

**NOTE: I made this in gaiaonline to be my answer to his question. Isn't that CHEESY. :l haha! ;) See the irony at the end? :)) I LOVEEEEE GRAMMAR! (even if I suck at it :P)

Posting *OLD* Blogs.

So basically, I'm planning to make this blog to be my "main" blogsite. Just to organize things up. `cause I have one in wordpress. It's newly made and it's not user-friendly. Hahaha. Well, i think it's just me. I'm THAT stupid. :( Boohoo. I also have in Gaia. They have this journal thingyy. Anddddd. yeah.

Posting old blogs.

LOADING...

Too Long.

Oh My Gie.

It has been a while! No, it has been a decade! Nah, I'm kidding. :-)

You all might wonder, what kept me busy for a year or so. Well, I have been busy preparing for my upcoming graduation on March 31st and I am reallllllly, REALLLLYYY, excited and sad as well because on March 31st, I'd now say goodbye to my Alma Mater. What saddens me is the fact that my friends & I wouldn't have the time to get together again. I mean, I'm pretty sure all of us would be busy in our own colleges and most of my friends won't be studying in my school now. They'd probably prefer to go to UP or La Sallle or Benilde LS, or Ateneo even! I just hope we will all see ourselves someday successful. Awww. I`m getting emotional here. :-(

So anyway! I've been talking about RP right? Well, I kinda already quitted because a lot of biatches are commin'. No, I`m not afraid of `em or something but, i just don't want to deal with those kind of people. It's irritating and they ALWAYS get on my nerves. I decided to say GOODBYE 1 year ago? I dunno. I don't really keep tracks.

Another thing that kept me busy is the research paper in English. What makes it hard is all the citations and reference list. I mean, I know it's wrong to plagiarize and all those shizznitz but it's already the last year and my mind is already rushing about graduating. I just hope NO ONE sees this and tell my English subject teacher that I don't use books at all. Ooopsie. Teehee. ;-)

Soooo, have I filled you anything? Anything at all? Well, at least i've already updated this bloggy thingy. Well, WHAT AN ACHIEVEMENT. I've put this on my to do list. "Update Blog" but then another to do list tops it and I'd forget it. Well, not until I'm eager to cross out all those to do list. IMMA DO ALL THIS SHIZZ. Promise. ;-)